Handling a Potentially Offensive Situation

April Fool’s Day is almost upon us. As the holiday for playing practical jokes draws near, it is
important to remember the thoughts and feelings of others. While keeping this in mind, it is
also important to not be overly sensitive about jokes that are played.

I have seen a meme circulating Facebook (this is the second year I have seen it) that is a picture

of a positive pregnancy test and states, “1 in 8 of your friends struggle to get pregnant. 1 in 4 of

your friends has lost a baby. Pregnancy is not an April Fool’s joke.” While I understand the

sentiment behind this meme and I appreciate people trying to be sensitive to others, I see no

reason to be hurt or offended by this joke. As someone who is a part of both of these statistics

(lost 4 now can’t get pregnant), the reactions to this particular April Fool’s prank are some that

have brought great laughter in my life.

I understand that some people are more sensitive to this issue than I am, however, please ask
yourself this one question “Why am I offended?” I highly doubt that the person playing this joke

is doing so as an intentional way to make you feel bad. I will admit that in the past I have taken
offense when people innocently asked when Sam and I were going to start a family. It is not fun

to have extra reminders of what you have lost or what you do not have, especially when you

want it so desperately. There was a lot of self-examination that needed to be done when walking
away from these situations. I realized that my hurt and offended reaction had its root in bitterness.

I was bitter that God had taken my babies away. I was angry that other people got to be parents

and I didn’t. To be frank, I was sinning.

Part of not being offended comes from accepting the circumstance that have been placed in

my life. Who am I to tell God what should and should not happen? James 1 talks about how we

are to view and handle trials.  Verse 17 states, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from

above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of
turning.” When I view everything in my life, trial or not, as a gift from a God who will never
change, it is so much easier not to focus on the things that are happening or the things that are
being said around me. God has perfectly orchestrated the events of my life to mold me and shape
me into the person He wants me to be. He has opened a direct line of communication through the

death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. He is loving and forgiving and just and holy. Why should I
spend my time being offended when I can focus on the creator God who wants a personal
relationship with me?

So how should we react when someone asks when we will start a family, grow our family, or plays

a joke? Thankfulness. Often times we put thankfulness in a box that only gets to come out in
November. The truth is, thankfulness is the ultimate weapon to fight off and guard against

bitterness. If you have lost a child but you still have one, be thankful for the one that you have.

Yes, you mourn the loss and miss your child but do not fixate on it. If you have never lost a child

but you can’t seem to get pregnant, be thankful for the things that are in your life. Focus on what

you have, not what you don’t. When I am struggling with bitterness in this way, I like to list of a
minimum of five things that I am thankful for. They usually include my salvation, my church, my
husband, my family, and chocolate. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says “in everything give thanks; for this

is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” God has given us far more that we deserve. Be so busy
being thankful that there is not time to be offended by the questions or jokes that you hear.

Three More Comforts

“Oh, the pure delight of a single hour that before Thy throne I spend, when I kneel in prayer, and
with Thee, my God I commune as friend with friend! Draw me nearer, nearer blessed Lord, to
the cross where Thou hast died; draw me nearer, nearer, nearer blessed Lord, to Thy precious,
bleeding side.”

Growing up, and still today, this was one of my favorite hymns to sing. However, it wasn’t until
Sam and I went through personal tragedy that I truly understood what this song was saying and
what it meant to truly desire to be drawn closer to my Heavenly Father. Before going through
hardship, I thought I had a pretty good relationship with God. It wasn’t until I was tested with fire
that I learned to truly seek His face and find rest in who Christ is. I found three very specific
things about the character of God that have given me comfort along the way.

God is sovereign. He is in 100% complete control of anything that ever has happened and
anything that ever will happen. Some people may ask, “doesn’t it make you mad knowing that
God knew what was coming and He could have stopped it.” Yes, He could have stopped it but no,
it does not make me mad. There was a plan and a purpose behind everything that happened. I
am content (though I often don’t want to be) knowing that I see one puzzle piece and God sees
the picture on the outside of the box. There is great comfort in knowing that nothing that has ever
happened has come as a surprise to Him.

God is faithful. Through this entire trial I have never questioned if God was still there. Because I
believe that Jesus Christ came to this earth, lived a perfect life, died in my place for my sin, was
buried, and rose from the dead, I have been promised that God will never leave me nor forsake
me (Hebrews 13:5). God’s faithfulness is so much more than Him just being there though. There
were many people in my life who were there when we went through the miscarriages, so what
makes it different that God is there? Psalm 46:1-3 says, “God is our refuge and strength, a very
present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth be removed, and
though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though its waters roar and be troubled,
though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah” The word refuge means a condition of
being safe or sheltered from pursuit, danger, or trouble. Because I have accepted Christ as my
personal Savior, the very person of God is a stronghold for me. There is peace and shelter
waiting for me when I run to Him. That does not mean that new storms will never come or even
that the current storm is over. It does, however, mean that I can have rest while the storm is raging.

God is loving. Hebrews 12:6 says, “For whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every
son whom He receives.” Sam and I have two bushes in our backyard. The first summer we lived
in our house we both just thought they were nice bushes. They were getting a little wild so I
decided to trim them down. The next summer we discovered that my pruning made way for huge
bunches of lilacs to sprout out. If I would have never cut back the leaves we would have never
had the nice flowers. Philippians 1:6 says “being confident of this very thing, that He who has
begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” The fact that I am going
through a trial is encouraging to me. It means that God is still chastening me. I am not yet who
He wants me to be and He is still working on me. God shows His love for me by slowly chipping
away the parts of me that are sinful and contrary to His word or by simply eliminating the nice
leaves to make room for flowers. This process is slow and painful (Hebrews 12:11). Some parts
are more painful than others but they all are working towards one end goal: to make me more like
Christ. God is not done working on me and I am so glad that he loves me enough to keep
chipping away.

I would NEVER say that I am happy about what happened. I would, however, say that I am
incredibly thankful for what happened. Yes, I would much rather be holding my babies, reading
them stories, and tucking them into bed at night; but, I realize that without our miscarriages, I
would not have so desperately sought God and I would not have the relationship I have today
with Him. Tragedy has the potential to push you far away from Christ or draw you so near to
Him that you can’t help but find comfort in who He is. How do you choose to respond?